What about the times when you really CAN’T get yourself to do something? You have tried and tried and you just don’t do it. What then? It is very normal to beat yourself up. Most people have learned to reprimand and berate themselves when they “fail”. You can develop a new way to think about things and replace the old unhelpful way of thinking.

When you try to get yourself to "just do it",
and you “just don’t do it”,
there is always an obstacle.

There is ALWAYS a reason.
It could be an internal or an external reason.

Instead of beating yourself up,
think about the obstacle that might be in the way!

Figure out a way around it, through it, or over it. Continue to problem solve and figure out what the obstacle is and how to cope with it. You are not a failure. You are on the path to accomplishing your goal. You are just in the middle of figuring it out.

Ask yourself what is getting in the way of accomplishing your goal: “I wonder what the obstacle might be.” Open your mind and feelings to discover the possibilities. Keep your mind open and wonder about what those obstacles might be for as long as it takes. You do not have to come up with an idea right away. It may take days or weeks of wondering before you discover what the real obstacle might be. Once you know what gets in the way, you can make plans to solve that problem. When the obstacles are removed, when the problems are solved, you will easily be able to move forward. The best place to look for what gets in the way of accomplishing your goal is behind you.

Good Morning

Mike had plans. He was going to get up every morning and work out. He planned to begin by using a workout DVD right in his own home for convenience. He started out great. He got up every morning for a week and a half. Once in a while, when he was too tired, he skipped a workout. He told himself that he would get right back on track tomorrow. Then, inexplicably, he just was not doing his workout. He did not know what had changed. He just could not make himself get out of bed to do it.

At first he berated himself and called himself names. “What the hell is the matter with me that I can’t do this one thing?” It did not take long for Mike to notice this train of thought was not fixing anything. As a matter of fact, the more he beat himself up, the more he felt like a failure. The worse he felt about himself, the harder it was to find any motivation. He had to approach this in a different way.

“I wonder what is getting in the way of my morning workouts?” A groggy answer slowly formed in Mike’s head: “I’m too tired.” Now, Mike had something to work with. But that was only the beginning. At first he thought that all he had to do was go to bed earlier. He tried for days to get to bed earlier, but he couldn’t. O.K., Mike had to ask himself: “What is getting in the way of my early bedtime?” He was doing office work in the evening. How could he possibly get his work done at the office so that he did not have to bring work home? Mike ended up restructuring his entire workday, getting to bed a little earlier, and resumed his morning workout. He had to back up, and keep backing up, solving one problem at a time, in order to give himself the good morning that he deserved!

Did you notice? This is NOT simple! It is very achievable, but it is not simple. It is challenging. If you had known that this was a challenging task, then you would have been more patient with yourself, more likely to problem-solve, and more likely to accomplish your goal. You would have been more prepared to “back up”. When you acknowledge that you are engaged in a challenging task, you increase your chance of success. Any goal that you do not achieve on the first attempt is a good opportunity to practice the skill: “back up, don’t beat up”.

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